Mother Of The Bride Plus

Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall, after a wedding rehearsal in Edinburgh, Scotland

Whither the commemorative crockery, yours for just £10 plus postage and packaging? Where is all the bunting, and the flags with the happy couple's face crudely printed on? Must I presume that my invite to the local street party has been lost in the post? I mean, come on guys! There's a royal wedding on and you're all acting as if nothing's happening.

Yep. This afternoon, Zara Phillips -- granddaughter of the queen, cousin of the Duke of Cambridge and niece of the Prince of Wales -- will wed her rugby-playing boyfriend, Mike Tindall. They will travel from their home in Cheltenham to Edinburgh, where they will be married by the Reverend Neil Gardner, minister of Canongate Kirk and domestic chaplain to the queen in Scotland. Afterwards, they will celebrate with a reception at the Palace of Holyroodhouse. Not that you'd know it.

While the world and its dog knew every detail of the royal wedding -- you know, that one, at Westminster Abbey, with the cartwheeling verger and the sister with the bottom -- it seems as if this one could pass off without so much as a street party. There will be no need to erect a giant box to accommodate the world's media, as happened outside Buckingham Palace last April.

There will be no bank holiday, and barely any squealing monarchists that have camped out all week to catch a fleeting glimpse of the newly married couple -- they can't, because the streets surrounding the church are too narrow. Granted, a ring of steel will be thrown around the city, but one would expect that at an event attended by the queen and the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, stepping out in public for the first time since their triumphant tour of North America.

Mr Tindall, who plays rugby for England and is the captain of Gloucester, is thought to be planning on wearing a kilt. But even the news that Zara is to wear a gown designed by Stewart Parvin, one of the queen's favourite couturiers, barely registered on the radar of journalists who salivated over every rumour concerning what Kate Middleton might wear, before combusting in excitement when we finally saw it was Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen.

Zara has been able to go for jogs and facials relatively unmolested by paparazzi. This week she was photographed near her home wearing a tracksuit, a garment that would have caused the world to topple off its axis had it been worn by the Duchess of Cambridge in the run-up to her wedding.

And the guest list? There won't be strange royals from far-flung places around the world going, or people the couple has never met. This will be an event full of sporting royalty, given the groom's background and the fact that Zara is a former world eventing champion.

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